He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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