Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
