If that was your dad, he is hot
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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