When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
