I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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