So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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