I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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