A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
