Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
