i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
