Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
