Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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