Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
