I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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