I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
