please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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