Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
