I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
