but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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