You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Randomize
