I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
