I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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