I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
