Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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