My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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