Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
