he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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