Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
