Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
