you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
