why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
