You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
