People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
