soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
