We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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