I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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