There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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