weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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