They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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