my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
