No awkward lesbian experiences without me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
