Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
