can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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