I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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