How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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