Heybabeimwearingurpanties
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
