I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
