even my farts smell like vagina
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
