Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Someone came in the potted fern
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
