Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
