Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
