So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
NoShamevember. You game?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
