So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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