Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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