Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
